Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
