i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
