i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
