idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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