Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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