I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
