I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
