I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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