Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
