Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
