He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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