Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It's Friday. Sex?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
