The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This house was built for laser tag.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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