either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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