Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
