She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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