big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
