This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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