Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
