Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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