the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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