I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
