the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
