She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
