They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
