Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
