Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
