Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize