Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
