I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
