you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
