So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
