Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
