Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
