I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
