Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
