I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
