i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
