She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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