Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
