the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize