Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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