all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
