Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
