My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
