the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
