Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
