you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
