So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
