My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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