Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
