didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
