She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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