Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize