Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
