Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
smell my finger.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
