he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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