i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
