You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
