that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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