I think my fart just growled at me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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