Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
