nut hugger
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
