Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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