He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize