i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
