I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
