So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
