Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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