he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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