I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize