never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
