My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
