life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
