Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize